It was a tough first couple of weeks for me in Hawaii (read Part I of this blog here). As I saw our old house, the restaurants, the trails and the beaches, I cried lots of tears in remembrance of the deep pain experienced when my marriage ended and our family dynamics shifted 6 years ago.
I had not been excited for this trip to Hawaii. In actuality, I love Hawaii, yet the fact that I experienced the deepest pain of my life there, created a sense of sadness for me when I thought of the beautiful place. Hence I had not returned since divorcing. It had been 6 years since I stepped foot on this island.
As I felt all those emotions coming back up the first weeks in Hawaii, I sensed I was releasing yet another level of pain.
Healing appears to me to be a spiral and as we move along, some things come circling back with a slightly different twist as they come around again and again to complete the cycle of healing.
Interestingly, as described in part I of this blog, that phase completed and I felt a sense of healing, momentum and joy! That was a tremendous makana (gift in Hawaiian).
Hawaii had more gifts for me as they continued to be revealed.
My kids came to Hawaii. I met them the day they arrived with their dad and we all went to Kalama beach park where we used to play when we all lived here. We all immediately ran for and played in the ocean together. It was a beautiful little family reunion of happiness.
Feeling immensely grateful for having the time and space before they arrived to release that pain, I felt positive and joyous in the family fun and excitement of that evening.
Then my kids and I got to spend an entire week together in paradise.
We went to Kawela Bay, the place where we spent my daughter’s first week of life. We rented a house right after she was born with family as we all shared in taking care of her and taking care of me. It was an absolutely gorgeous, nurturing environment to be a new mom.
What’s funny is I didn’t even realize that’s where we were going that day. We decided to try a new trail and it led straight to Kawela Bay. I was completely amazed upon arriving thinking, Oh my gosh, this is where my daughter spent her first week of life and here she is 13 years later walking this beach as a beautiful young woman.
Hardly anyone was around and it was a beautiful day on that beach. We swam, ran, played, had contests, checked out the crabs… what a gift.
We visited friends we had not seen in a very long time and reconnected (more gifts).
I realized I had phenomenal friends, amazing people who loved me deeply and supported me during the divorce. And still do. I realized the gifts of friendships that were still there! Still resounding, still solid. I am supported and loved by so many. I pray I never again feel alone because I can at once remember my loving supportive network of beautiful souls in Hawaii and elsewhere.
One day while hiking I stopped and climbed into a Banyan tree and started Mana Gardening and meditating. I received a message, another amazing gift from Hawaii as I heard these words: Remember, this is where it all began.
I knew exactly what that meant. You see, while going through divorce, I hiked a lot because nature nurtured me and allowed me to feel more ease in my world.
Trees specifically were immensely powerful for me during that time. I meditated next to trees or while sitting on trees. I almost always felt some kind of energetic transmission, as if the trees were taking something from me. I remember those days thinking, What on Earth would they be taking from me? My inner garden revealed that the trees were taking away my pain.
What a gift.
They loved me and took my pain away. I always, without fail, left the forest feeling lighter and more capable of handling the situation at hand.
While sitting in the Banyan tree, I was reminded that this relationship (if you will), with trees started in Hawaii. I felt graced as I remembered this wholeheartedly as true. The ‘Aina had spoken to me once again. I felt how loved I am by the ‘Aina. Another immense gift.
Gifts also included the amazing situation that my dear friend Keti set up for me. Her family and friends were welcoming and happy to have me around. They made me feel like part of the Ohana and like an important part of their world. Keti let me drive her car around for over a month while she got a ride to work with her dear friend who lived up the street. She, time and time again, made accommodations to make it easy for me to be there.
Also a friend from Asheville joined me in Hawaii for about 9 days. This is when I actually took time off from the work I felt like I should do and allowed myself to be on vacation. He and I adventured daily on big hikes, little hikes, snorkeling in calm water, snorkeling in turbulent water (we could have totally gotten eaten by the ocean that day! Happy to be alive! Yet another gift that we are both still here!), jumping off waterfalls, jumping off the giant rock into Waimea bay, checking out the vast differences in flora and fauna from what we see back home, meditating in nature, eating amazing Hawaiian and Asian food, dancing, watching sunsets over the Waianae coast and on the North Shore, surfing and playing in the waves, and checking out the Buddhist temples. We got along great and explored so much together totally as friends. I am forever grateful for his presence with that week because otherwise I would have felt like I should be working and would not have allowed myself to have so many beautiful explorations and connections with the ‘Aina, the spirit of the land of Hawaii.
I was truly amazed at all the Aloha this land was freely giving to me. I am so happy that I was aware enough to notice it and give my appreciation back!
Many Blessings and Warm Aloha on your Journey!
…To be continued in Part III– The Final Gift from Soul, where I share my prayer to the ‘Aina of Hawaii for its innumerable makana (gifts in Hawaiian).
Ps. I am incredibly blessed to have been given this gift of Mana Gardening. Get the book and try it for yourself. It is an easy, fast and fun way to connect to the infinite wisdom that lies within. You’ll feel yourself as empowered to live and love. If books aren’t your thing, try a class or set up a series of sessions with me or Keti. We will be doing podcasts shortly and hope to have an audio book out soon as well. Our mission is to serve our fellow souls, so reach out if you are called.